Understanding the unconscious, narcissistic, ego-driven, dysfunctional, unhealthy, hurtful, harmful, toxic, manipulative, self-centered, fear-based and therefore unloving dynamics in family and relationships is part of self-understanding.
Unconscious, harmful interpersonal dynamics are still the order of the day, and psychology can help us identify these dynamics. For many people, therapy is the next step because one tries to switch from unhealthy to healthy dynamics, wants to suffer less, or wants to become a better, happier person. Without condemning this approach, I would like – based on today’s article by Jiddu Krishnamurti on change – to encourage the study of destructive interpersonal dynamics without the agenda for any change or improvement, but only for the sake of understanding.
So I recommend reading today’s article by Krishnamurti first, and reflecting on it before delving too deeply into understanding narcissism. Otherwise one can very quickly fall into the usual trap of only looking at this subject from the dualistic perspective of good and evil. In my opinion, however, such an perspective is very limiting and hardly offers a chance for a true and lasting improvement or change in these so miserable interpersonal relationships.
Whoever has recognized the limitations of psychology in relation to true spirituality will be able to use psychology intelligently in the service of spirituality. Who has not recognized it – will continue to move on in the vicious circle of the perpetrators and the victims, the bad guys and the good guys.
I would like to present a couple of links that describe the nature of interpersonal dysfunction in a more serious way. I warn against delving into really destructive descriptions of this phenomenon, which are also offered on YouTube, such as the absolutely dualistic and violence-inducing view of the dysfunctional world described by Jordan Peterson and many similar ones. It is actually sometimes difficult to find intelligent and sensitive beings who deal with interpersonal dysfunction without being dualistic and thereby judgmental, aggressive and violent. But I think I found some of them. If you don’t like the YouTube format, you should perhaps read, but only serious, scientific studies. Yet know, that such studies are often very academic and not very illustrious.
The psychological, easy-to-understand view of dysfunctional relationships that I recommend, is only recommended with regard to the description of the dysfunction. However, I am very cautious about the occasional condemnation contained in the videos or any recommended solutions or attempts at action. How I use the videos is in order to recognize the dysfunction in my family, in myself and in our world. In fact, it is nothing more than one of the paths of self-knowledge, the path to explore and understand human nature by listening to the psychologists and by exploring it directly through observation and self-observation. As for the solutions, I don’t see any other than awareness and understanding alone. The change or healing may or may not be the consequence of this awareness and understanding.